Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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