he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize