Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
