Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
you never un-have a 4some
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
