i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
