Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
