Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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