dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
