we're blogging at a bar
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
