im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
