Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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