yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think my fart just growled at me.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
