I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
