Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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