He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
