I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
