Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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