Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
