he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
