I'm jealous of your bromance
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
