Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
