porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
