Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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