she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
