Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Come see our sink grown plant.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
