So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
