You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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