Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
