Already got asked if we're dating
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
