I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Acid is not a monday night drug
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
