why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
