The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
