somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
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You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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