Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
