Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
