She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
