i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
