Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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