so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
