did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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