Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
