he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
