Duck Duck Cougar?
You can't special order awesome
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I AM VODKA MAN
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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