ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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