we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
