Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I didn't notice because vodka
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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