why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
