mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
