I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
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She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
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I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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