You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize