My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
