EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
