And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
