you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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