You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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