if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
