Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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