a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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