He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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