god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
