do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
