I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
