I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I cannot find my penis.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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