You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
