Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
