so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
love makes seman taste better
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
